The Bezoomny Chronicles

Vegs are delicious

2009-09-06T23:00:36Z

last night's dinner:

smoked tofurkey and facon club sandwich

3 slices of toasted organic honey wheat bread
layer smoked tofurkey
several slices of crispy facon
melted smoked gouda
pine nut hummus
mayonaise
herbed olive oil
green leaf lettuce

vegan dinner:
substitute soy pepper jack cheese for smoked gouda
substitute nayonaise for mayonaise

polish that off with 2 ice cold glasses of santa cruz organic lemonade and sea salted sweet potato fries

word,,,....

lauralin @ 2009-09-04T20:38:00

2009-09-05T03:58:34Z

I just fucking STOLE this Ursula Vernon ORIGINAL. grow art collection, grow, my pretty... .

i met and exchanged cards with this Albrecht Dürer print dealer and wood block print expert who ran museums in Asia and is on the university's museum committee on the plane ride home. we talked the whole time, it was awesome.

chronicile of trip to follow in the next few days.

07/21/09

2009-07-23T21:00:03Z

The Galactic Noise Floor
Trip-Hop Ice Pop Set
(I usually do late night without censorship, but they needed me to cover a 'music with no cursing' hours show.)
8pm-10pm Pacific Time
11pm-1am Eastern Time
KWVA 88.1FM EUGENE
http://kwvaradio.org/

Playlist:
Sasha/oakenfold/carl cox/digweed- Immense Velocity Mix
NEW RELEASE PLAY: Sound Tribe Sector 9 - Peaceblaster Album, #4, 7, 9, 11
NEW RELEASE PLAY: Trance Fury - All the Saints in Heaven
NEW RELEASE PLAY: Kid606 - death is pain permanently leaving the body
DZ - Slum Dubs
Toast - Puppy Phat
Meesha - Clack
Desa - Deeper
AK1200 - y'all
Tricky - She Makes me Wanna Die
Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch
Portishead - Over
Hooverphonic - Battersea
Mandalay - Deep Love, Solace Remix
Bjork - State of Emergency
Garbage - Afterglow
Esthero - I Drive Alone
Evol Intent - Bjork Hidden Places Remix
Broadcast - Man is Not a Bird
Tori Amos - Bells for Her Trip Hop Remix

Fin.

So I can't fucking wait for this....

Fuckin Brian and Amy Froud host this shit!!!!!!!!! (Brian Froud, one of my favorite illustrators of all time...& wendy froud fucking MADE Yoda...and was Jim Hansen's partner for all of the muppet designs for Dark Crystal, etc.) Also, amazing artist Amy Brown, and a ton, ton more...

Plus Gorgeous Mystical Siren Gypsies & Beats Antique.

We went to this last week and it was so fucking insane and amazing......blew my mind...an entire psychedelic woodland village built into a forest....utter awe

I'm sure "bad faeries" night next week holds much mischief in store....

hell yeah

2009-05-27T02:33:26Z

"This process of foreclosing occurs all the time between activists in various ways, where we tell one another that whatever effort we’re making is predetermined to mean something else, often failing to realize that our rigid viewpoint serves to squelch the reshaping and rewriting of meanings that we’re purportedly fighting for. So a part of this fashioning we’re doing needs to be about diversifying the set of aesthetic practices we’re open to seeing, and promoting a possibility of us all looking very very different from one another while we fight together for a new world. I want to be disturbed by what you’re wearing, I want to be shocked and undone and delighted by what you’re doing and how you’re living. And I don’t want anyone to be afraid to put on their look, their body, their clothes anymore. Resistance is what is sexy, its what looks good and is hard to look at and what sometimes requires explanation. Why would we want to do things that don’t require explanation, that are obvious, impervious to critique because no one even notices we’re doing them?"

;,'-.TheGalacticNoiseFloor`;.'*

2009-05-26T09:15:43Z

live on air right now

2am-4am U.S. Pacific Time, 5am-7am Eastern Time

http://kwva.uoregon.edu/ to tune in...

tonight's theme:
SINISTER SOUNDS

;,'-.TheGalacticNoiseFloor`;.'*

2009-05-24T07:01:30Z

live on air right now

midnight-4am U.S. Pacific Time

4 hours...
mwahaha

http://kwva.uoregon.edu/ to tune in...

tonight's theme:
SUBDUCTION

breaks, bass, dubstep, trip hop, wrap, ambient, glitch, maniac lunacy, & more...

scientists invent dream recording machine

2009-04-02T04:36:06Z

American Scientific:

http://www.sciam.com/video.cfm?id=18233315001

*

2009-03-31T08:08:26Z

TRICKY TOUCHED ME. ADRIAN THAWES. HE REACHED INTO THE CROWD AND GRABBED MY HAND. HE SANG CHRISTIAN SANDS, POEMS & LOVECATS. HE ALSO SWEATED ON ME AND FELL INTO MYSTICAL MUSICAL TRANCE RIGHT UP IN FRONT OF ME. I WAS IN THE VERY FRONT/CENTER ROW UP AGAINST THE STAGE AND COULD HAVE REACHED UP AND TOUCHED HIM AT ANY POINT. HIS SHIRTLESS, GLISTENING BODY & WAIST WERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. IT WAS THE MOST INTIMATE AND BEAUTIFUL CONCERT EXPERIENCE I'VE EVER HAD. (AND I'VE BEEN TO A FREAKISH AMOUNT OF LIVE MUSIC SHOWS)

AND I THINK THAT MY DREADS ARE LONG ENOUGH TO THE POINT THAT I GET STREET CRED NOW.

lauralin @ 2009-01-11T22:24:00

2009-01-12T06:33:48Z

excited for this next week...

caught this shit couple weeks ago. was fuckin stellar. couldnt really dance without people being grabby pervs, but whatever.

lauralin @ 2008-12-26T00:41:00

2008-12-26T08:44:56Z

:this:

is going to be stellar

:here:

as well as this,

here.

lauralin @ 2008-12-21T18:11:00

2008-12-22T02:15:11Z

Responses from my course evaluations:

Please comment on the lab or discussion leader's strengths and areas for possible improvement.:
The discussion leader did a real good job at getting me to communicate with others what I knew and to challenge myself more to take a deeper look into what we are supposed be learning. Did a real good job at explaining what the professor expected of us and clearing up any problems we had with the films/reading.

What did you learn in this class?:
To open up and I know a lot more than I give myself credit. If I work hard at home then being in the class room is so much easier and I learn a lot more with less stress.

What did you find intellectually stimulating about this class?:
That German films and films in general have so much to tell the audience then just what one sees on the screen.

Please comment on the strengths and areas of possible improvement for the lab or discussion as a whole.:
Brought us all together to learn from one another. Really rounded out what we learned in the class, was the cherry on top of the desert in my book.

lauralin @ 2008-12-15T00:10:00

2008-12-15T08:45:23Z

*favorite

Madeline Von Forester

carolyn and i actually randomly met Madeline at a burlesque bar in nyc 2 summers back. She gave us her website and we were blown away when we checked it out after chilling with her. Not only is she fucking talented as fucking hell, but so goddamned kind and beautiful as a human being as well.

French Graffiti artist Miss Van

German Photographer Ellen Von Unwerth

Eric Fischl

Mark Ryden

who are some of yours??? comment with pics

lauralin @ 2008-11-16T18:01:00

2008-11-17T02:02:00Z

i know this highway
it is haunted
lavender electrical storms stalk it
silver flashes
endless traffic jams

those who speed down its lanes
who swerve and tear through space
slipping in and out of time
barely notice
a banner over its single overpass
they cannot see
the fine hues of its stitching
they cannot know
the scrawled graffitti
of a soaring heart
left to weather
and be ruined by elements

this highway is under a spell
those who drive it finally never survive
it ends abruptly, blindly
cut off by a cliff
the emptiness of its void
is so great
that drivers endure
a traumatic magnetic pull downwards
the violent winds of the abyss
steadily float them down to doom.

on the edge of the cliff flaps a shredded silken flag
reading:

fools, this was the highway of gorgeous lies

lauralin @ 2008-10-24T12:03:00

2008-10-24T19:03:32Z

i have had the french word for 'umbrella' stuck in my head for days

lauralin @ 2008-10-09T18:44:00

2008-10-09T23:02:55Z

*

no time to fuck
but you like the rush
and where would we be
without sums
deals we make

brown paper bag
makes for a hat
when it rains
on your head mate
cheers for that

when the world
stops for snow
when you laugh
i'm inside
your mouth

sucking the sun
baboons and birds
with the weight
of you dear
i forgot

brown paper bag
makes for a hat
when it rains on
your head mate
cheers for that

when the world
stops for snow
when you laugh
I'm inside
your mouth

oh just go dear
feels a tear
and you scream dear
fear also tamed

when you laugh I'm inside
your mouth

*

lauralin @ 2008-10-04T19:08:00

2008-10-04T23:09:19Z

And I long to go
Love started here
Shoot your star
Be a light
Is that

Don't you call
Deer stop bottle in a shell
Shoot a thousand stars over me
Love to come home
You've arrested a knight

Say my name
Whisper it, don't ever turn
I'm deliciously wired
I'm falling in a cloud

Deer stop bottle in a shell
Shoot a thousand stars over
Say my name
Whisper it

lauralin @ 2008-10-01T14:02:00

2008-10-01T21:03:39Z

So, uh, I need some of this like RIGHT NOW

SO HOT. got to be the best sex scene in the history of the show.

lauralin @ 2008-09-28T21:53:00

2008-09-29T02:01:22Z

and a not-so-scary one, lol

lauralin @ 2008-09-09T17:10:00

2008-09-09T21:10:19Z

so last night, carolyn and I suited up in our bikinis and went down to the pool and hot tub for the first time for a relaxing swim. We ate some vics and smoked a couple of bubblers beforehand to make things a little more interesting.

We also have a giant bottle of pinot grigio chilling in the fridge, but we are saving that for when the ladies come over this weekend. hehe. dionysian antics.

So we are feeling the pills and then just jump into the water and are drifting around the crystal clear blue pool, which is dark all around but brilliantly lit from underwater, so it looks like its glowing. and there is this shadowy, whispering forest all around us, and it is just so outrageous and phantasmagorical.

and then these sweet bats kept swooping overhead by the swaying treetops. and we are just drifting and swimming and whooping and doing cannon balls and jackknifes into the deep end and then the pills kick in and we are floating in a liquid opiate dream cloud, laughing and smiling like lunatics, underneath the stars, splashed with moonlight.

then when we get too lazy and are really feeling the pills hard, we go up to the hot tub and let the jets massage and the steam relax and are just lazing and experiencing our senses to the utmost.

and we are just like comatose in the hot tub for like an hour and completely disconnected and out of our skulls when we hear this rustling in the bushes and carolyn of course freaks out like a nancy, and i was outta my wits so i was a bit freaked too, and she Swears that she saw a dog and i'm like no dude it was probably just a racoon or a squirrel (which now looking back it def was) but she claims it had "long legs like a dog" lol but since we were outta our skulls and hallucinating we thought it best to just bounce anyway since it was almost midnight.

hahah, but soooo hilarious. and the pool and hot tub are so fucking sweet as HELL.

also,

haven't yet finalized anything in the way of showtime, etc., but the website for the new radio show is

http://kwva.uoregon.edu/

and I have cooked up a fantastic new name for the new show, TBA.
I just got some fucking SICK new records too. like, sickest shit i've ever even HEARD produced. (out of canada)

and new fliers to be posted soon (inigo? :} ) ( i still gotta send you your present, I didnt forget)

I am also revamping my entire website, and my webmaster, peachblossom, is whipping me up an entirely new layout, and i gotta get cracking on the content, as I will actually be regularly putting out an arts and lit magazine from the site

which also reminds me that I need to get some new business cards printed.

and a new pair of Technics is on the tippy top of my birthday wish list, so hopefully madre and step-padre or numero uno padre will hook that up since i've been such a good, self sufficient hook this year. a girl can dream.

update :)

2008-09-09T03:16:21Z

so we got the sweetest possible apartment situation that we could have ever even fathomed
one that exceeded all expectations

this is truly a ridiculous dream home.
get this

2 bedroom/2 bath
split level (upstairs and downstairs) condo in the middle of a ancient blue pine forest on the side of a mountain. It is in a complex called the HIGH LANDS LOL

It is located in the South Hills, the most desirable and elite part of the city. A little bit outside of the noisy downtown area, but close enough where you can walk or bike right to the center of the city and university. directly on all of the bus lines going everywhere too.

It has huge, vaulted, cathedral ceilings,
a fucking wood burning fireplace
a washer and dryer in the unit

2 private decks (one in the back with giant looming moss clung wind swaying evergreens filtering the sunshine from above, and one off of the downstairs that is covered from the rain and shaded from the sun)

TONS of closet space
dishwasher
new fridge and microwave
deeded, covered parking space + unlimited guest parking

plus,
beautiful crystal clear pool and hot tub at huge rec center/lodge that you can reserve to have private parties in !!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO doing that…
And the lodge has a GIGANTIC huge screen tv, couches ,a kitchen and Bar, ping pong tables, dart boards and is fucking huge with like 4 different decks overlooking the forests with breathtaking views of the sky and stars.
Fuckin surrealist art parties in the woods hell fuckin yea.

FOR FUCKNG 825 A MONTH, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED (INCLUDING CABLE)
SPLIT BETWEEN ME AND CAROLYN
I pay slightly more because I have the bigger bedroom- BUT STILL

UNREAL

My lungs have never been so thankful. I can inhale deep breaths of the coolest, cleanest, crispest, mountain air. In the city I would wake up congested every morning, that hasn’t happened once since moving here.

Also, since we live on the side of a mountain, the owner of the condo told us that there is a secret trail at the highest located parking lot, which connects to one of the main hiking trails up the side of the mountain, and goes for one mile in one direction and 3 miles in another. It is amazing and nestled deep within the forest. And takes you through trails to the scenic peak of the mountain.

The previous tenant/owner of the condo is this young hippie dude and his hippie chick English major fiancee. He still owns it and was so glad to have 2 art chicks living at his place. He just graduated from the UofO Law School, is an environmental lawyer that just got a govt. job in DC, and he told us that we are going to love it there, and that he was happy that we are going to take care of his place. They had a bunch of beautiful flowers and potted plants that they left to us as well as these totally hysterical hippie wind chimes.

The place is seriously so goddamned illin.

We have been calling it “Rivendell” the elven paradise, and seizing each other and shrieking because it is seriously fucking unreal.

AND, There is an open invitation to everyone on my friends list to come visit.

And I can say with complete confidence that you would be fucking stupid not to. We even have comfortable pullout couch in front of the fireplace and 2 air mattresses.

And my insane (but completely wonderful overbearing sicilian father INSISTED (I objected but there was no reasoning) on buying a fucking gigantic 700$ HD flat screen TV for the place as a house warming gift. Can someone say Shaneword marathons in huge screen HD? HHHAHAHHAHA

Anyway,

On our way driving into Oregon, we drove through and stopped at this spectacular volcanic forest in the middle of a mountain range. At one point, you could look all around you and see a vast expanse of igneous rock and boulders left over from a massive volcanic eruption. The park service also built a castle out of the volcanic rock, and we were the only ones there and we went inside it and it was built so that you could see constellations and the peaks of the surrounding mountains through labeled holes in the castle walls. Like, look out of this square in the wall and there is the tip of mount Chippewa, and out that square is the 3 sisters constellation.

Our first friend in town was the manager of the main downtown head shop, a hot chick with pink hair and piercings and tattoos. Her and her pink mullet toting hair stylist friend ‘tanya’ were alllllllllll up in our junk, and begging us to come to the queer art dance party night at the biggest local bar- but we were way exhausted from the move and whatnot, and elected to take a rain-check, a move which seemed to make them all the more eager. We even had dinner with her, and Carolyn bought her perfect moonstone gem ring from the bitches shop. Needless to say , they have been texting nonstop asking us to come party and we have just been like LOL WHOA YO

I am basically just waiting for the end of my dads visit to invite them both over to come drink wine and smoke J’s and swim in the pool and hot tub B)

Did I mention that an 8th of bomb ass headies is only 30$ out here??? Well, it is.

And the glass is at LEAST half of what it is back east.

We went partying in Portland this past weekend to a sick dub night @ this ridiculous bass cave of an underground black lit art club. It was in the industrial district so no one bitches about the music being too loud. It is across the street from the tazo tea headquarters, so it smells like tea and jasmine and exotic flowers all around. They import outside sound systems. Monkeytek was fantastic, as expected, and ryan organ, beautiful boy that he is, also spun a wonderful set that I drunkenly swayed and got down to. BEERS ARE $2.50 HERE. This is such a remarkable change from the 8-12 dollars FOR A FUCKING CORONA One will be horrifically overcharged for in a boston or nyc or LA bar.

Anyone with a mind who smokes weed or enjoys dub or electronic music SERIOUSLY needs to check out these guys @ pdxindub.com

Such fucking amazing sound.

Then we chilled with Milo <3 ever the wonderful portlandia native gent’, who hooked us UPPP.

I could barely even dance on the dance floor because people kept grabbing at me and trying to shove over to dance with me and I was just like Ughhh, and would move far away and just dance with Carolyn. We protect each other. And then this one thin blonde chick just like hooked her arm around my waist and started grabbing at me and pulling me into her!!! Even Carolyn was like what the fuck! I don’t know why, but the blonde ones always seem to go for me. So I just smiled and went along with it cause she was pretty even though I hate it when people I don’t know touch me or my hair, but I guess if you are going to do that it does help if you’re a hot girl.

So then I finally detach and get another beer and smoke another cigarette, and then take a piss, write some graffiti on the bathroom wall ( another thing I LOVE about the West coast is that practically all bathroom stalls are covered in beautiful graffiti), and start dancing again and this girl is just looking at me with this lustful glare and grinning and she is wearing a skirt then she comes up from behind me and grabs me again!!!! So I am like OK, and start acting kind of playful and im like feeling on her and she is griding on me and it was just absurrrdddd. But hilarious and fun.

Then after that this dude who reminded me of kameel grabbed me and said ‘I love you’ and I just laughed at him and walked away and then he came up to me later and apologized and I told him it was ok, and then him and his friend asked us if we wanted to smoke outside, and even though we were already lit out of our skulls on our own headies we obviously agreed, and him and his friend smoked us out. The one kameel dude is named Avi Stein, and is a jew and an entertainment lawyer ex film student who seriously looked like a hipster but is actually a lawyer. Then his friend is a skater from Connecticut who was like “congratulations on your westward enlightenment” when he heard we were from long island, and says that he hates going back east to even visit his family he despises it so much.

I have a teaching seminar this week to prepare me to teach german cinema to 25 undergrads hahaha. Should be hysterical.

Until then I have been practicing the fine arts of intoxication and obliteration, and a bombardment of the senses, or, as Rimbaud would say, a derangement of the senses.

And as I fucking wrote this, the pink haired chick texted Carolyn asking if we wanted to go bowling before going out to the bar on thursay with her and her roommates. Hell yes. They are probably going ape shit and cant wait to incorporate us into their circle.

Eugene is exactly like Santa Cruz- it's like the Santa Cruz of Oregon, complete with the diablo peaks and dinosaur roaming history. (<3sinclair)

I also just submitted the final draft of a piece of experimental fiction that got chosen to be published in an actual novel which will be an anthology of experimental writing pieces. More info on that and where to purchase, etc, when I get my papers for it.

In the mean time, I summon all ye (particularly long island male virgos), to take cultural retreat and intellectual respite at this celestial chateau of ours, for you are welcome.

(for my records) Virgo . spot on.

2008-08-24T05:13:27Z

VIRGO

Love and Sex

It's important for Virgo lovers to feel needed by their mates. Outside of the bedroom is where the majority of foreplay is going to happen for this sign. Tactile, methodical, and willing to take as long as is needed, they make excellent lovers. Even though the Virgo won't express many words of love, they will show their affections in the bedroom. Virgos prefer to have a few strong connections rather than many partners. Life partners are chosen based on how important and needed the Virgo feels they are in their lives. They are dedicated spouses that love to live on the wild side once in a while.

Strengths
Practical, loyal, hardworking, analytical, kind

Weaknesses
Worry, shyness, overly critical of self and others, all work and no play

Charismatic marks
A certain, reserved manner marks the classic Virgo. Virgos are generally medium to slight in build.

Best environment
Virgo is most at home in the company of animals and close to nature. Virgo likes power and enjoys being the sidekick or indispensable assistant.

The Perfect Gift
Virgos are picky and hate others making a fuss. Take them out to eat at their favorite restaurant. Buy them some of their favorite spirits. Good-quality blue agave tequila is generally much admired. Virgo women cannot resist flowers.

Likes
Cleanliness, animals, healthy foods, books, nature

Dislikes
Taking center stage, rudeness, asking for help

House
Natural sign of the Sixth House. This house focuses on health, perfection, service given, skilled work, and pets

Friends and Family

A Virgo is a helpful friend to have indeed. They are excellent at giving advice, and they really know how to problem-solve. You'll find that a Virgo will remind you to take good care of yourself as health is a focal point for them.

lauralin @ 2008-08-16T01:08:00

2008-08-16T05:09:00Z

on air right now.

with the beautiful domm.

wrbbradio.org to listennn***

lauralin @ 2008-08-10T03:44:00

2008-08-10T07:47:06Z

god i love making out with obscenely hot gay boys at parties.

and that one chick with the peacock tattoos weren't bad neither.

: ]

THE GALACTIC NOISE FLOOR*

2008-08-01T17:12:14Z

So as there are only a couple of radio shows left at my beloved radio station and studio, WRBB 104.9FM, before I move and get a show at another station out west, I figured for the last couple of shows I would do playlists/sets based on a theme or themes.
I've decided that the theme for this week, which will inspire all of the music I play TONIGHT, will be the following:

dérangement

or

la fille dérangée

as always, go to http://www.wrbbradio.org to listen @ midnight-3am eastern time tonight.

lauralin @ 2008-07-20T01:08:00

2008-07-20T05:08:09Z

yea
we blaze that haze
twistin up L's for everybody
so take a puff
and get high off me
you just gotta stand near me
to get high off me
the contact kush
so rough
you been trippin out
you be seein

Our Altar.

We sat around it, fell into trance, spoke incantations, and drank hallucinogenic smoke milkshakes.

While the director filmed a celluloid dream,

Reels of surrealism,

phantasmagorical psychedelia....

Documentations from my Travels.

I. The Wash Club - Brussels

The most beautiful & adorable tiniest of african babies approached me at the laundromat and silently motioned me towards it. It spoke only a few words of French it was so young. I bent down to speak to it, and it kissed its hand and pointed at me, telling me that it wanted to give me a kiss. I knelt towards it, and it touched my hair, gently, in wonder. I gave it my cheek to kiss, but it tried to kiss me on the mouth. I turned my face so that it could only kiss my cheek. It threw its arms around my neck, hugged me, giggled, and then ran back to its mother. I went to Marie & pointed it out and we smiled and laughed when I told her what it had just done. Then, it noticed the attention & returned to us. It stood before us, smiling wildly. Marie bent down to say hello to it. She was wearing a low cut shirt and her massive cleavage was apparent. The baby threw out its hand, pointing to her exposed chest with the widest, gleaming eyes, shrieked, and then bolted back to its mother. Marie & I almost fell down laughing. Then when we settled down, I finished loading my laundry into my washing machine, and then went over to help Marie configure her machine with my back towards mine when Marie said "look!"- I turned around to see the tiny african baby & a posse of other babies opening my washing machine and going through my dirty clothes. When the mother saw, she screamed at them in French and they scattered- little sprites. On their way out, the mother told me that the baby thought that I was a magical creature.

II.

a.
In a bed below a skylight. It is a grey day but I am warm inside, under a blanket, next to someone. Do I need anything? No, I am fine. I am just fine. How many months have you been chasing me down? Started when he brought you over to meet me, with my permission. You started as a fiend, began a friend, became a love...That 4th of July, when we were both wearing hoodies in his backyard. I saw the way you were looking at me. I was acting very shy that day. We went walking in the woods, it started to drizzle lightly, a drifting mist, overcast, you couldn't stop looking at me. We lit a fire, the smoke screen between us. you brought beers, a cooler full of veggie food because when you asked someone what I liked they told you I was veg. A bag full of fireworks, too. Roman Candles, Sparklers, Explosions, Glimmering shards of light across the dark night sky. Instants of flash, illuminating glances, our shifting expressions of play. We joined the others, I rolled an independence day blunt, I kept catching you watching me craft the delicate cigar- the licking, the unraveling, the sensual assembling. I could tell it made you nervous, the attention to my mouth. I saw the way you smoked it when I passed it to you, like you were kissing me, the milky smoke pouring out and over your soft lips. It secretly drove me mad. I kept caching the scent of your icy smelling aftershave- masculine & cool- clean, bright, on the air. How tall you are, how slim, how lanky and precise moving. well thought out maneuvers. I remember when we first kissed, weeks later, the tension, the want, the magnetic, kinetic energies. We walked the urban park paths at the zenith of night, that cool summer night. We sat on a green bench slightly off the path, smoking cigarettes as bats flapped over the pond & disappeared into the trees- chaotic bursts of movement, hap hazard sonar. You didn't believe me at first when I said there were bats, and it took you a while to see one yourself and be convinced. My cat paw inching towards, the signal, the slow swoop, the contact, the meeting of anticipations, the collision of mouths, searching for salvation, the crystal voices of seraphs- You told me that I looked so sad & beautiful on that 4th of July that you couldn't help but fall for me. At that instant, felt an overwhelming desire to do absolutely anything for me- Gifts, lighters, antique skeleton keys, old, valuable books about the fey in the English Moors. Countless gifts of your devotion, your love, things you taught me, the purest silver waterfalls of words and compliments. Your Texan past, your oil tycoon father, your tricked out luxury car, your big time I.T. job- Visiting you in your office, our meetings- your room, my room, the loft, the back deck, your car, my car, the bathroom at the orpheum theater, the park, the woods, his house, the library, my dreams...

b.
We went tagging and had to run from the cops. the endless smoking. clouds of fragrant burning flowers. laser tag- you buy all my drinks, you buy all of everything for me. I repay you in other ways. We smoke so much, there is no end to it. Your pockets have no bottom, your generosity has no cease. We fill rooms with smoke. Exhilarate and intoxicate our senses and then shape shift in the shades. I warned you not to get too invested, too enamored. You do anyway. Don't listen, I don't care. We share a cigarette after, then another blunt. We hot box, hot box, hot box. You bring over my favorite beer and a pizza after you get off of work.. You sneak away from work in the middle of the day to come to my house with 2 iced coffees, because you're the boss and can come and go as you please. You're always on call and when you excuse yourself to answer a work call and speak to the other end of the line with a calm collection and tranquil temperament and talk them down and through their problems it turns me on entirely. When you hang up, I seize you and tell you that you work too hard and need a break.

III.

IV.

V.

I wake up trembling in a cold sweat. My heart is sore and confused. My pulse is angry, and my blood is a hot, frothy tide slamming against the jagged shores of my veins. My head is tired. My breaths are short. Torturous dreams I can't remember. I want to run away to a caribbean island, to abdicate, escape, enter a closed fantasy, an isolation. But even there, I feel you'd wander, desert, swim away on a dark current that would carry you to them. those demons in the distance. These are the characters of your despair. obscure runes of a sorrow, immense. a burning ash storm. shattering with signifiers, invisible blows with invisible swords. Fire up your spine, engulfing the senses in a scalding agony. How many times must I endure it? Will it ever end? I fear not, and experience tells me likewise- My guts twist up in horror & my entire body feels a very sharp static impulse, at once very chilling and very molten- bewildering. I will steal you, I will take you away where you will never think or want to think of another damaging thought ever again. I will hold you until my incredible love for you soaks you through and purges any distressing ideas from your still skull. I will look into your jade white eyes and you will feel the beams of sight, the purest blue light shine into and over you and you will finally see. An unspeakable treasure, a dynamic infinity of desire and sensation. But you would prefer to walk away. You would do what others tell you to do. You would listen to them even though they have no idea, know nothing of us or this. Maybe even you really know nothing of us. Maybe all you'll ever know how to feel is a negative uncertainty. You make me loose myself. You unnerve me. You are my deliverance. You are my ruin.

VI.

I dreamt of rich last night. He was skateboarding around the parking lot like he always does at the warehouse. At night, in the headlights of his Dodge Magnum. Looking at me with his blue eyes and his perfectly manicured goatee, smoking a joint, blowing the smoke at me, grinning, "anything you want, bright eyes", he says to me., "anywhere you want to go, i'll take you". We paint the rusting industrial dumpsters with our art. We mark the walls with our names. cursive on concrete. All of the girls fall over for him, but its me he wants, me he cant quite get. He comes to work meticulously groomed, dressed skater chic, and smelling of a delicious cologne- only when he works with me. He looks at me so softly, smiling his calm Irish smile, I make fun of the way he calls me "sweethaaht", call him darling to mock him. He bats his long, dark eyelashes. He works with his hands. We are bandit rogues smoking on the job, stopping wherever we please. He steals us spoils that we split. I flirt and find us free food with my V.ip card. We drive to the woods, lay together, and smoke again under swaying oak boughs. He tells me that he is seeing a girl who pays all his bills, but he clearly doesn't love her and isn't invested at all. His secret way of saying that he'd drop her for me in an instant. As I sit next to him, as he drives, I keep thinking about pouncing on him, about jumping his bones in a way he'd never be able to get over. He knows this. He took me to meet his sweet mother- a raspy voiced smoker of a hairdresser. "You were right Rich, she's really beautiful". I bashfully thank her and jab him in the ribs. We sit in his room, on his bed, under the irish flag on the wall. He saunters up to me. We look at each other. He brings me to his uncles shop in Waltham. All of his cousins, whitey's boys, call me "red" and ask if I want to go for a ride around the block on their hundred thousand dollar custom choppers. He tells them to leave me alone. We smoke a few bowls of my headies in the back of the shop while his blue collar southie gangster cousins and uncles drink beers and laugh at dirty jokes in the next room over. He gets so high that he asks me to drive the truck back. But he has to drive it out of their driveway and switch down the road so they don't give him a hard time. I laugh and say of course. I drive the truck better than he does, but I don't tell him that.

VII.

All of the love I make is now the _______ of things. Beautiful, blissful, confounding, but so, so ___. It makes them love me more, but it makes me even more distant, more complicated, loving less- losing my ability to identify with and connect. It makes me a cold person, away with my books & papers. Silent, with a lonely fire burning in my heart, scattered, glowing orange coals, embers that float and drift, neon particles that the winds of my mind reduce to weightless grey ash- nutrition for the ground, carbon dustings. They all want to help, they all want to get in, they all want to be let in. It is not so easy. It is far too hard.

VIII.

What do I dream of? An honorable, worthy love. Pure, deep, true, sacred love. I dream of a large parcel of land. A shared, complex life. A house, a few studios, a barn, some animals, a small garden. Agricultural experiments, yields, fruits, vegetables, herbs, berries. A deck, a fire pit to sit around at night, with a cold beer & a joint, a few close friends, laughter, warm glows. A clay mug of green tea. hibiscus. A place to sit and pass the generous time. A zone of pure comfort and study- concentration and contemplation. A cigarette or 2. A brook, a creek, a pond, a river, a waterfall, a swimming hole. Rock formations. fish & freshwater creatures. streaming, falling over rocks. tracts of forest, ancient green ceremonies in the woods. rows of white and silver birch. clearings, pastures, mountains, lush green grasses, tea berry & vines & bark. Stone and wooden seats around an altar in the clearing. peaceful offerings, dew & cedar. Paths through the holy forests. Art, tons of art. Art and intelligence and ethereal sounds. vibrations and pulsations, echoing. Libraries and studios. mediums. I want to sculpt cats. great, clay cats to fire & glaze. protectors. Pumas, lions, ocelots, tigresses- I want to work with the earth. a kiln, a wheel, paints, everything. A contained movement. A retreat, a sanctuary, a safe haven- when you step foot you can feel a magic. built with my two hands, rebuilt, the driveway, the landscape, the heartbeat, the pulse. a dirt bike, an ATV, a go kart to traverse the horizons. I want to build and erect guardians- a flag, a captivation- visitors, friends, dear & lovely, the wise & sensitive.

IX.
How might I explain them? These strange dreams I've been having about her, with increasing frequency. They are not obviously sexual, though perhaps symbolically so. As I do, admittedly, often feel strong compulsions to seize her and kiss her when I am around her. I do not think I would be immediately thwarted if I did, though I would undoubtedly wind up apologizing profusely. I am sure that many people envision themselves kissing her or wondering what it would be like to kiss her when they are around her. She is intimidating and seemingly unattainable. I know that game well. but back to the dreams. In them, I am merely touching her, petting her, smoothing her hair & gazing at her fondly. We are laying down in a bed hugging, intertwined and peaceful. We are in my bed. There is an overwhelming sense of solace. Like she's never let anyone in before, but this is ok. I will usually dream like that after we spend a lot of time together, hanging out alone all night, sitting inches away from each other, talking, laughing. everything begins with laughter. We pass the pipe, glass warm from the flame, our hands touch, we jump back at first when this happens, but I ease up, and eventually begin to brush my hand against hers intentionally. We share a piece. Her lips fall where mine just were. we drink smoke. I catch her staring at me when she thinks i'm immersed in thought or a task. I often fall into silent, distracted trances after I smoke. When I look at her staring at me, I catch a faint grin or smirk before she jolts her sight away in another direction after being detected, slightly embarrassed, seemingly...*

I just took a sedative and feel very, very heavy.
not in weight but in volume
like there is too much of me for this vessel.

absolutely none of this, is to be taken so seriously.

Things that have been concerning me:

The Bezoomny Chronicles

Vegs are delicious

lauralin @ 2009-09-04T20:38:00

*07/21/09*

hell yeah

*;,'-.*The*Galactic*Noise*Floor*`;.'*

*;,'-.*The*Galactic*Noise*Floor*`;.'*

scientists invent dream recording machine

*

lauralin @ 2009-01-11T22:24:00

lauralin @ 2008-12-26T00:41:00

lauralin @ 2008-12-21T18:11:00

lauralin @ 2008-12-15T00:10:00

lauralin @ 2008-11-16T18:01:00

lauralin @ 2008-10-24T12:03:00

lauralin @ 2008-10-09T18:44:00

lauralin @ 2008-10-04T19:08:00

lauralin @ 2008-10-01T14:02:00

lauralin @ 2008-09-28T21:53:00

lauralin @ 2008-09-09T17:10:00

update :)

(for my records) Virgo . spot on.

lauralin @ 2008-08-16T01:08:00

lauralin @ 2008-08-10T03:44:00

THE GALACTIC NOISE FLOOR*

lauralin @ 2008-07-20T01:08:00

07/21/09

;,'-.TheGalacticNoiseFloor`;.'*

;,'-.TheGalacticNoiseFloor`;.'*